Whale Tusks & Woke Bois
I’ve been following the global #MeToo Movement for a few
years now, torn between celebrating the outpouring of sisterhood and solidarity
for survivors of sexual harassment and appalled at the shame and ridicule they
were being subjected to for speaking out. The #MeToo implosion in India
followed a scarily similar turn of events, raging through in a brief, glorious
burst of fierce feminist energy, only to wither away in legal imbroglio.
The list of accused was vast and varied, from actors to
artists, comedians and politicians, journalists and the judiciary, and of
course, The Woke Bois[1] of the desi
world. Every sector was riddled with salacious stories of the misdemeanors of
men. The ones in the development sector were especially exhausting. The names
of self proclaimed champions of the crusade against patriarchy cropped up
repeatedly.
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| @sanitarypanels |
Currently, the accused from the #MeToo Movement have mostly
minor embarrassments to report, most of which were dealt with by hiding from
public view for a short time. Most of the stories were squashed with a
combination of one or all of the following: online threats and legal action,
defamation suits, skewed internal ‘investigations’, and a discreet PR campaign
on the side. Days after being accused of bullying and sexual harassment, a
dauntless demigod of the efforts to engage men and boys in the conversations on
gender equality was spotted swaggering around at an international conference.
Similarly, another khiladi of khel badal redirected public attention
to the fact that he was an affectionate and loving man. His organization
rallied support for him – key stakeholders were encouraged to write (and share
on social media) positive experiences they have had while engaging with him. Till date, very few of the stalwarts of feminism and all things awesome have withdrawn or disengaged from these perpetrators. A few young women continue to clamor for action, but they've mostly been dismissed as 'hysterical' or 'disgruntled ex-employees'. Few have paused to ponder, perhaps, they know the survivors are telling the truth.
“We
must mend what has been torn apart,
Make
justice imaginable again in a world so obviously unjust,
Give
happiness a meaning once more,”
Albert
Camus
General public opinion on sexual assault hovers on the usual
survivor shaming shit, because most people are too afraid to acknowledge such
perversions. They’re afraid of shattering the status quo. In the aftermath of the complaints, the modus operandi was
all too familiar – most survivors, and their supporters, were usually subjected
to any or all of the following: bullying, intimidation, being suddenly overlooked
to lead projects, or receive promotions, workload suddenly decreased or vastly
increased. When employees of an organization demanded accountability and due
process, another colleague wrote them a scathing message, calling them
termites, out to destroy the organization from within. Another, a lawyer by
training, wrote in several places that the allegations obviously were wholly
untrue, as the complainant hadn’t followed the legal route of a police
complaint.
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| @sanitarypanels |
Globally, citizens
are examining long-standing structures of oppression, and dismantling that
status quo, a handful of stories at a time. #MyStealthyFreedom, an
Iranian social media movement opposing the mandatory headscarf, had women
sharing secret scarf-free moments of their lives. From the Chilean soprano singing out of her window during curfew, to the Lebanese protestors singing
Baby Shark to a scared child stuck in traffic, what is emerging is
collective empathy that is building protestors resilience. Watching these
global movements unfold made me realize
that the last few months have actually been a deeply introspective process of
self-purification[2]. An ugly, unholy search for catharsis and redemption, of
looking beyond the law for justice, of seeking solidarity and validation of the
fact that the silence has gone on too long. What originally began as a
determination to stick to due process very quickly left many of us alienated,
angry, exhausted and of course, unemployed. Several close friends and associates around me made peace with the
fact that they worked with a predator. Many of us, who couldn’t fathom this
complacency, have now had to negotiate with the fact that we’ve lost friends
and opportunities along this journey.
It took many months of bird watching, gardening, mandala making and self-reflection, and finally, a dance party at a feminist conference, for me to realize De Botton’s theory of holding on to hope and gratitude was the key to resilience. Not all wars are won by bashing up the bullies, and none are won overnight. #MeToo originated more than a decade ago, as a message to survivors “You’re heard, you’re understood.
‘we devote inordinate hours to learning about tectonic
plates and cloud formations, and relatively few fathoming shame and rage.’ ~
Alain De Botton
It took many months of bird watching, gardening, mandala making and self-reflection, and finally, a dance party at a feminist conference, for me to realize De Botton’s theory of holding on to hope and gratitude was the key to resilience. Not all wars are won by bashing up the bullies, and none are won overnight. #MeToo originated more than a decade ago, as a message to survivors “You’re heard, you’re understood.
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| A Goddess must have tranquility before tandav. |
We’re deeply aware of the systemic
flaws and legal hassles that enable the impunity to sexual assault, so
shattering the silence on sexual assault now needs to move beyond sharing
social media posts. Building solidarities must now consider moving beyond
showing collective outrage and towards mobilizing for action. Creative
strategies in moments of crisis are what have gained center stage in recent history. A Polish
chef in London found himself wielding an unlikely weapon to tackle a
terrorist. Feminist collective Lastesis, in Chile staged a powerful
intervention in front of
the Ministry of Women’s Rights and Gender Equality. Puerto Ricans partied to
the perreo
intenso calling for Governor
Rozello’s resignation.
Instead of clinging to false notions of 'justice', I've instead learnt to
listen carefully to survivors. Every day brings a fresh new narrative of
assault, and yet another twisted tale of how the organization covered it up. I
suggest you start listening. When you get the creepy vibes. Or when your friend tells you they got the creepy vibes. Walk in, if you see someone else caught in a spot. Walk out, when the sexist jokes don't stop.
Sometimes, stop and ask if she's okay. Create safe spaces. Sometimes
this also means holding your silence, till you have the permission to speak.
For fucks sake, chronicle everything
coherently. The legal system doesn’t give a shit about your emotions (I do, but
evidently that doesn’t matter!). They only care about what you were wearing and
why you were there. The narrative ought to clearly explain why you were
disempowered, or what you did to clearly deny consent. Sometimes, somewhere,
someone might be paying attention and might realize you were telling the truth!
Talk about how this destroyed your career. Tell them how much money you’ve
lost. People pay attention to these things. Onions are expensive.
Predators rarely write official
emails harassing employees. They do it on the sly, in the dark, on the quiet,
as a joke. Most
perpetrators get away by brandishing character certificates, whereas
complainants rarely have evidence or witness. Stop working with organizations and individuals who perpetuate and
encourage this behavior. If you’ve heard the rumors, ask. Ask that awkward
question. If there’s a clear conscience, the organization won’t be
discombobulating and obfuscating in their responses. To constantly exercise any
privilege or space you might have to speak is your most powerful tool.
Predators thrive on fear, silence and oppression. It most likely mean you’ll
lose opportunities and employment, and some friends along the way, but the road
to revolution is rarely a joyous one.
As someone who’s watched the shit storm of #MeToo
destroy mostly the lives of the survivors and their supporters, I often wonder
what would it take to deconstruct strategies, identify patterns, and look
beyond our usual leaders? The truth is that most of us are pretty tired
already, and barely dealing with our own financial and mental trauma to be
waging wars on these Woke Bois. How can we further speak truth to power? We
don’t have friends at Broadway to sing sad shitty songs about us. Perhaps the
only way to win this one is with empathy, story
telling, and of course, the art of listening, simply because we live in a world
that shuts up survivors.
[1]Woke Boi – A dude who
claims to care very much about social issues, and uses it to impress, but actually
churns out the same casteist and sexist shit, smothered in sanctimonious
speeches of service to human kind.
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